These past few weeks since i come back from my trip i’m in the between zone…. let me back up and explain that….. u know when u r happy and when u r sad…. i don’t feel happy or sad…. is that possible?  i don’t want to smile nor cry….. Being alone on the trip I learned a lot about myself…. some i already knew about but it’s good to have that reminder again….Could that be the reason I’m not sad anymore?

I was literally having the breakdown before the trip….. frustration with my job, my love life, and my life in general…. it was a good trip….. a good trip as in i got a chance to be more independent…. i learned not to depend on people….. the reason?  my very own friend who I can’t rely on….. if i canceled one of my destination because she can’t make final destination i would have never learn more things about myself….. i would had never experience cultures, food, or meet people….. part of me is glad i could always say “hey i went to this and that destination by myself”  but would i ever travel alone again…. probably not….. yes i don’t mind being on the plane or bus or any type of transportation alone…. what i do mind is eating alone or seeing different culture alone…. i want to share the experience with somebody…. i could always point this or he/she could point out some building and say something funny…. life is short…. yes that mean enjoy it while it last…. u don’t know when u time will be up but would that be nice to have someone to share with?  i’m not talking about going out and finding “the one” to go on trips with u…. just having good friends…..

i’m stuck in between…. i have FOUR different type of friends…. here is an example of the first type…. i have friends that love to travel but they are unreliable…. if there is bombing (god forbid) we have to run and if i happen to fall down & can’t get up…. i know they would kept running….. yes that’s one type of people i know….

here is the second type…. yes i would love to travel…. let’s go here and there…. agree to the time frame and back out because they rather do something else or give lame excuse…. if u can’t make it say ahead….. but then again all of a sudden her “ex” supposedly happen to be settling down in that location, i’ll hear “let’s go” WHAT R WE WAITING FOR?  my answer “NO THANKS”  that is the same type that got mad if i don’t invited them when i go on trips…. i need at least someone who is willing to go…. not the one that kept changing their mind because something better come along…. why on earth would i invited them to go on a trip?  if i book the plane tickets and they can’t make it what would i supposed to do?

Third type…. who rely too much on their significant others…. if their significant others couldn’t make it they wouldn’t even come out…. not just a trip just going out to eat in general…. if they happen to make it they’ll just spend and talk with their significant others…. those one i’m detaching myself one by one…. thanks for the invite but i don’t want to come all the way out to meet u and u canceled because ur bf doesn’t want u to go eat at this location…..

Last type… the one who called last minutes because they don’t want to go to party or some events alone….. LAST MINUTES and then they don’t tell full details of the party as in example the theme of the party….. i have someone who tell me about let’s go out with this and that person…. someone birthday…. my response ok…. then an hr before i’m coming out to meet her she happen to tell me the theme of this going out to drink is “THIS”  i need to have headband… ummm ok….. then when she and i finally got to the place i realized the theme was established weeks ago…. she herself was shopping for the perfect “headband” for the theme party weeks ago…. why would u omitted this information from me? even if u tell me about the gathering last minutes… u could have mentioned it when u called to tell me the 1st time…. that is not the worse part…. the worst part is when she saw someone she knew i don’t exist in the party anymore…. But as much as i hate it, it gave me a chance to go up to some stranger i don’t know and introduce myself….. if u happen to be with a group of friends u ended up not talking to anyone aside from the one u come with…. i like to raise above ridiculous situations i always ended up in…. at the end i always ended up saying i met this really cool dude or gal….=)

i mean don’t get me wrong…. there is time they are reliable but it out weight the unreliable part…. i do have some small numbers of friend who i can rely on but the sad part is they don’t live where i live…. they had moved to other cities and settling into the place already…. just day-to-day going out they can’t be here with me =/  after time period we ended up growing apart….  i remember in my freshmen english class, the professor mentioned there is always someone out there who matched ur personality, who is just like u but they happen to be another side of the earth….. it could be the “one” or just a good friend for you….if u r lucky u will meet that person…. so far i had met numerous number of people that is close match but the 1% different is making me realized that is not the one….

The whole point of writing this is I don’t know if u happen to have friends like mine but there is always someone in our life that does something that will bug us…. u just have to know urself and surrounded with good people…. have u heard of happiness is contagious?  if u know urself and what u r capable of u could be hanging out with them but u can always make the night better….. u go out to have fun, don’t let anyone negativity put ur mood down….