Archive for September, 2010

Final Decision Tomorrow

Finally i got an offer for a job…. yay!!!!!!!!!  here’s  a problem…. the pay is not what i wanted…. its way lower but just a little (i mean literally 1%?) higher than my current job salary….. i felt some how attached to my current job…. my final decision have to be made by tomorrow afternoon…..  usually people feel strongly, happy when they got the job offer…. i’m happy…. i couldn’t stop smiling when they called but as soon as i heard how much they’re paying me my smile went away….

Tell you the truth…. i don’t like this job

1) i’m not learning anything

2) there is no interaction with people i work with

3) the position i’m currently in will not give me a chance to move up the ladder

4) i don’t have pay vacation, sick or holiday but even with all that aside there are some perk….

1) i don’t have to work overtime – i can get out when the sun is till a little bit out….. yes the sun does wait for me once in a blue moon…. hey, i’ll take the little sunshine whenever i can…..

2)  i’m so use to my desk, my computer, my printer – this become my 2nd home

3)  i can leave a bit early – the hrs are flexible as long as i stay later or come in early the next day to make up for it….

4) i can have a LIFE…. yes, as a single gal i want to go out when i’m young…. i don’t want to be exhausted when i leave from work and having to work early morning the following day plus working during weekends is going to age me sooner than i want…..

5) i can take random classes or go to random events that are in my area if i get out by 5…. which all tied back to having a life

6) lastly…. i’ll not be able to post anything up here anymore =/ yes those of you (very small %) of you who read my post i’m sad to say it’ll be impossible for me to write….

Do i not want to moved up from my job?  YES

Do i not want to have better title?  YES

Is that going to be worth it?  I don’t know… that is the problem…. i’ll only get pay a little bit more only in certain months since it’ll be busy most of the time i’ll have to work 75 plus hrs per week…. which mean even with my terrible math skills i’ll be earning $ amount i made when i was in HS……they don’t pay overtime….

Do i want my current position if they offer me permanent position?  I don’t know…. i want it if i can move up a little but there is no room…. there is no place to move up not like the job offer i’m getting….Utimately,  i guess i don’t want it….

This get me thinking what i really want in a job?  i don’t know about which fields i want in but here is what i just realized i want….

1) have a LIFE (this is my main priority) after thinking about it…. it does make a different for me…. i’m young i want to have a life… i want to be able to go out and have a dinner with friends or just go out at normal decent hours….

2) definitely good pay —paying too much $ to go to college and not using degree i got from college is definitely not worth it for me right now….

3) a chance to get promoted— we’re all human… we want to see ourself have a better life, better future right?
This job right now… i got # 1….. i’m glad…. i’m missing #2 and #3

The job offer i got… i’ll have #3…. hopefully #2 in about 3 or 4 yrs… but #1 is missing…. i know i’ll never get #1….

what should i do? awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s.  what i’m afraid of is i know a couple of women i mean literally in their 40 now with an awesome job but there is something missing in their life…. Love one… they were too busy working at my age by the time they are at the level of the career they want there is very small pool of people left they could meet…. even now they are busy…. all their friends have their significant other now and they are now looking for people to hang out with…. i love them… i like to hang out with them… i don’t mind the age gap… there is always something u can learn from each other no matter what age u are… but i’m scared… will i be one of them eventually?  let’s hope NOT!  cross my fingers…


Learning about MYSELF

These past few weeks since i come back from my trip i’m in the between zone…. let me back up and explain that….. u know when u r happy and when u r sad…. i don’t feel happy or sad…. is that possible?  i don’t want to smile nor cry….. Being alone on the trip I learned a lot about myself…. some i already knew about but it’s good to have that reminder again….Could that be the reason I’m not sad anymore?

I was literally having the breakdown before the trip….. frustration with my job, my love life, and my life in general…. it was a good trip….. a good trip as in i got a chance to be more independent…. i learned not to depend on people….. the reason?  my very own friend who I can’t rely on….. if i canceled one of my destination because she can’t make final destination i would have never learn more things about myself….. i would had never experience cultures, food, or meet people….. part of me is glad i could always say “hey i went to this and that destination by myself”  but would i ever travel alone again…. probably not….. yes i don’t mind being on the plane or bus or any type of transportation alone…. what i do mind is eating alone or seeing different culture alone…. i want to share the experience with somebody…. i could always point this or he/she could point out some building and say something funny…. life is short…. yes that mean enjoy it while it last…. u don’t know when u time will be up but would that be nice to have someone to share with?  i’m not talking about going out and finding “the one” to go on trips with u…. just having good friends…..

i’m stuck in between…. i have FOUR different type of friends…. here is an example of the first type…. i have friends that love to travel but they are unreliable…. if there is bombing (god forbid) we have to run and if i happen to fall down & can’t get up…. i know they would kept running….. yes that’s one type of people i know….

here is the second type…. yes i would love to travel…. let’s go here and there…. agree to the time frame and back out because they rather do something else or give lame excuse…. if u can’t make it say ahead….. but then again all of a sudden her “ex” supposedly happen to be settling down in that location, i’ll hear “let’s go” WHAT R WE WAITING FOR?  my answer “NO THANKS”  that is the same type that got mad if i don’t invited them when i go on trips…. i need at least someone who is willing to go…. not the one that kept changing their mind because something better come along…. why on earth would i invited them to go on a trip?  if i book the plane tickets and they can’t make it what would i supposed to do?

Third type…. who rely too much on their significant others…. if their significant others couldn’t make it they wouldn’t even come out…. not just a trip just going out to eat in general…. if they happen to make it they’ll just spend and talk with their significant others…. those one i’m detaching myself one by one…. thanks for the invite but i don’t want to come all the way out to meet u and u canceled because ur bf doesn’t want u to go eat at this location…..

Last type… the one who called last minutes because they don’t want to go to party or some events alone….. LAST MINUTES and then they don’t tell full details of the party as in example the theme of the party….. i have someone who tell me about let’s go out with this and that person…. someone birthday…. my response ok…. then an hr before i’m coming out to meet her she happen to tell me the theme of this going out to drink is “THIS”  i need to have headband… ummm ok….. then when she and i finally got to the place i realized the theme was established weeks ago…. she herself was shopping for the perfect “headband” for the theme party weeks ago…. why would u omitted this information from me? even if u tell me about the gathering last minutes… u could have mentioned it when u called to tell me the 1st time…. that is not the worse part…. the worst part is when she saw someone she knew i don’t exist in the party anymore…. But as much as i hate it, it gave me a chance to go up to some stranger i don’t know and introduce myself….. if u happen to be with a group of friends u ended up not talking to anyone aside from the one u come with…. i like to raise above ridiculous situations i always ended up in…. at the end i always ended up saying i met this really cool dude or gal….=)

i mean don’t get me wrong…. there is time they are reliable but it out weight the unreliable part…. i do have some small numbers of friend who i can rely on but the sad part is they don’t live where i live…. they had moved to other cities and settling into the place already…. just day-to-day going out they can’t be here with me =/  after time period we ended up growing apart….  i remember in my freshmen english class, the professor mentioned there is always someone out there who matched ur personality, who is just like u but they happen to be another side of the earth….. it could be the “one” or just a good friend for you….if u r lucky u will meet that person…. so far i had met numerous number of people that is close match but the 1% different is making me realized that is not the one….

The whole point of writing this is I don’t know if u happen to have friends like mine but there is always someone in our life that does something that will bug us…. u just have to know urself and surrounded with good people…. have u heard of happiness is contagious?  if u know urself and what u r capable of u could be hanging out with them but u can always make the night better….. u go out to have fun, don’t let anyone negativity put ur mood down….

I’m lucky =)

No matter how much i complained about my life i do have to admit i love my life!  Remember recently i went to visit a friend of mine who live in another country?  well…. i know her forever and i always admire her life…. her house, her family and when i was young i wish i could live that life too…. She moved since then to another country (a better opportunities in the current country she lives in) even so i have to admit i DON’T want her life…. for once i can see she admires my life…. i have more experience in life than she does…. i can see her looking and asking about this and that advices….

Grass is not always GREENER on the other side…. the only way to know for sure is get on that side and see for yourself…..  for once i started to see both her strength and weakness…. i never look at her weakness before i always ended up looking at her fortunate and not realizing my own luck and fortunate…..  i’m indeed LUCKY =)

Rainy day….

Monday morning and it’s dark outside…. if it’s going to rain please let it rain already…. i bought this snow/rain boot whatever the term for this particular boot is supposed to be call last year….. guess what?  the back of my feet hurt like hell…. i have blisters already…. i need non fashionable sock that go up to my knee to wear with this boot….. as always i never keep my matching socks together & i was rushing this morning….. i can grab only ankle socks and my feet is now punishing me for not being organized….

i hate it when the weather is cold…. i’m not one of those people who look good no matter what season is outside….. i do need a little sun so my face look like i’m still alive & happy…. aside from hating cold weather i hate it even more when it rain…. i can’t wake up when it rain = i’m running late = i don’t have time to put my yoga clothes plus sneaker into my gym bag = i miss out on going to my yoga class….. after paying significant amount i hate not taking advantage of it and trying to go to class….. even going to the yoga class to release stress i feel the need to look good….is it just me?  depending on which class time/day i attend i’ll see variety age group…. working at the dead-end job with little $ to spend after paying bills i ended up signing up for a place where age group 45 & up go to…..  i didn’t mind at all….. i’m there to do yoga…. but i see other girls who come to run etc…. they all have full face makeup on….. that’s what i mean by looking good…. i guess u feel good when u have makeup on and u feel even better if the other people think u looks good…. i don’t have energy to put makeup on just to do my yoga instead i just refresh my face with powder so i look at least presentable in my yoga class…. haha….

Boss= Younger or Older?

I had an interesting conversation with someone i work with about having older vs. younger boss…. how do u feel about it personally?  What if you’re older than your boss are you ok with someone who is about the same age as your son or daughter telling you do this or that?  or what if the situation is vice visa?

I think when people look at CEO, CFO, VP etc…. they see someone in their 50 or 60 images but these days u might have VP who is only in their late 20 or early 30…. are we not adjust to having younger people managing workplace?  i don’t know…. i never have anyone who is younger than me have higher position than i’m so i’m not sure how i personally feel about it…. i had a manager who was about 2 or 3 yrs older than i’m & i felt like he can relate to me more than someone who is 20 yrs older than i’m….. at the same time at my very 1st job i had people who got promoted to be a “team leader” or whatever  the term they use who are about same age as me have an attitude…. they think they’re better since they become team leader and in a obvious way they tend to favor their close friends they hang out with…. that is another thing having your old friends work at the same place as you is disaster…..

i personally think everyone response differently toward different management style…. as a manager whether you’re older or younger you need to figure out what work for each individual person in your group….. Person A might response better if you mange in X style but Person B might not response well…. as long as you have an ideas what work for them it might make your life easier as well…..

Girls Night Out….

i recently read an article (actually just now) that mentioned how it’s good to stay in touch in your friend’s life…. u don’t want to overly involved too much in the boyfriends or girlfriends life…. i think it’s true…. u need to have your own life…. u need to have someone who understand you and give you suggestions with your love life…. who is better than your own friends?

i don’t know about your friends but i do have a couple of friends that disappear as soon as they started seeing someone…. i’m speaking from my own experiences…. i can understand the first a couple of weeks when u start seeing someone u r in the zone of awww he or she is so amazing that i just want to spend every second making out with the person zone…. after a while u do need a break to explore and have ur own life…. u don’t want to be in the situation where the only time u have time for yourself or your friends is when your significant other is out with friends…. u have to have ur own schedule when u want to catch rerun of episodes u missed on tv….. u want to have ur own day where u r meeting and catching up with ur friends on their life & ur life….

i know a couple of my friend tend to disappear when they’re seeing someone…. disappear as in not the first a couple of weeks…. disappear as in u never seen them anymore till their relationship ended and they need a shoulder to cry or someone to vent on how the whole relationship turned out….. it always with this one particular friend…. when she is not seeing someone she always asking what am i doing and whether if i want to do anything…. she expected me to invited her any parties or dinner i’m attending…. i do invite her but wait till she see someone the only time she is contacting me is when she need help with something…. don’t even ask if she is free for lunch or dinner…. the only msg i will get back from her is i’ll let u know when i’m free and that was about 2 weeks ago…. i have a feeling soon she will be up in my face again asking if i’m free….. let’s just say it’s a gut feeling….

my point is u don’t want to not have a life just because ur friends are with someone…. u want to have your own life…. yes it’s suck to be a third wheels…. go out to networking events and try to meet different people…. i’m not saying choose only to speak with guy…. no speak with both gender…. u could end up meeting an amazing friends….u don’t want to involved too much in only one particular group of friends you hang out with…. u want to go out and try to meet other people…. there’s tons of interesting people where u live….. i recently went to one particular events and i met tons of nice people who i think are great….. i’m actually having girls night out with a couple of them soon….

Back in the day….

School is back in session for those of you who are still in school….. as much as i hate to admit it i do miss school…. i miss the excitement of who is going to be in my classes….. i miss meeting new people and just day dreaming in class…. what i don’t miss is HOMEWORK!  i’m sure u can agree with me on this one….

i don’t know about u but i remember when i first come here i was shy and trying to fit in at school…. back then GAP hoodies sweater were popular….  i think it’s somewhere around 50 bucks…. i want it so badly…. especially gray one cuz everyone is wearing them…. i figure if i have one of those hoodies sweater no one will see what i wear underneath…. that would solve my hand me down clothes problem….  i can only dream…. i never got mine…. now i’m looking around & i notice GAP hoodies sweater i wanted so badly is no longer popular…. it’s all about North Face fleece jacket…. which is about over 100 bucks…. being an adult with full-time job i still can’t find myself to spend that much money on fleece jacket…. i do see many of the high school even middle school kids wearing them…. that got me thinking…. if u happen to be wearing GAP hoodies sweater these day to school u r probably consider not fashionable….. it’s all about North Face these day….  time change…. nothing got cheaper…. by the time i have kids it’s probably another brand name that will be popular….. all the kids in school will/want to have one…. will cost me over 200 just to buy one item….  SUPPLY & DEMAND….