Don’t you love it back in the day where facebook doesn’t exist?  After you went through the breakup and u never see each other again it helps heal ur heart quickly… now these day with facebook for some reason u ended up typing his name over and over again just to see his profile pictures again… i don’t know about u but that’s what i ended up doing… I’m always curious if he changed his profile picture or not.. i want to know what he had been up to even though his page is set to privacy but i can still click-through profile pictures so that’s what i had been doing lately.. i can’t seem to stop doing that i hope i’m not alone out there who do this… for some odd reason i like it better if he didn’t changed his profile pictures so many times with different background… it only mean one thing if he changed his pic…he is having fun & i’m not having fun considering i have the same profile picture since 2009..  talk about depressing.. yes i had been out numerous times but i’m not photogenic & even if the pictures came out great i’m hesitating to use it as profile picture.. the reason?  well i’m hoping deep down if he will be doing the same thing as me.. i want stunning wow picture of me up on facebook.. if he happens to look my name up i want him to see she looks great & miss me a little bit.. is that too much to ask?

so this past few weekends i took some pictures when i was out.. i didn’t have time to upload them to my laptop at all till yesterday night.. i finally uploaded them cuz i’m searching for my awesome good-looking picture of me.. the picture where it doesn’t show i’m tired & exhausted from work.. the picture that doesn’t show i had given up on finding the perfect job.. the picture where it doesn’t show i finally have white hairs at such a young age & trying so hard to find a way to hide them.. yes u heard me.. i went looking & digging through the pictures i uploaded them cuz i saw him put up new profile picture.. yea before i went to sleep last night i was on facebook.. i’m desperate need of sleep but without even looking at the keyboard i typed his name.. There i saw his new profile picture… he is looking sharp in the picture.. the moment i saw the picture i felt really jealous.. jealous that he is looking great & doing great and i’m on the other hand opposite of that.. people say picture can say a thousand words… if that is true then his life must be fabulous.. after seeing his face i missed him.. i missed the guy who treated me badly.. after that moment was passed my eyes was sudden caught the long layer hair next to him.. it was obvious he cut off someone who was next to him.. it was a girl’s hair.. my mind was racing back and forth who could it be.. is he dating that girl?  i know even in the past he doesn’t use his picture with his serious ex gfs as his profile pic.. i did find my perfect pic to put on fb.. the pic where my hair was blowing nicely cuz of wind with sunglasses on.. but i decided not to use it.. i’m loving how the picture came out but i’m not loving the fact that i’m losing weight in the pic..

i couldn’t sleep but when i finally sleep i think i had a dream.. i remember waking up this morning and know i had a dream.. i don’t remember all the details of the dream but for some odd reason i dream about one of his ex gf.. talk about not being over on the picture.. so what did i do before i brush my teeth this morning? i logged into facebook again & typed in his name to look at his pic one more time.. there i saw someone comment on the pic.. it was none other than the girl that he had cut off from his pic.. how did i know? well she comment it “the picture would have been nicer if u haven’t cut someone off”  she commented something along that line.. then i click on her profile pictures.. she got privacy on her fb but not on the profile pictures.. so i went through all the profile pictures.. decent looking girl seem like adventurous saw alot of fun pictures.. i finally snapped out of it & got ready for work…i still can’t stop thinking about it.. i know my hands will be typing his name again when i logged back into fb tonight..good things i can’t log into fb at work..

i don’t understand myself.. am i mad that he is with someone or am i mad that he is having fun????  i think a little bit of both.. what u don’t know doesn’t hurt u right?  but once u do know it hurt like hell… i’m pissed that i’m going through hard time not just about him but in life in general but he is having too much fun.. i’m wishing & hoping he is not having fun and miss me.. is that too much to ask? u tell me….