awww!  another Monday morning.. work is becoming vicious cycle… weeks by weeks come & go i still felt like i need exciting new challenge… when i was growing up i never thought of what i want to be when i grow up.. there’s a good explanation for that.. some kids might say i want to become a doctor, engineer, pilot or astronaut.. i was never the one that dream big.. i don’t want to be disappointed if things doesn’t happen.. well one thing for sure i’m not good in school… i say my memorization is good in term of what i want to remember.. u could say i have selective memory… haha.. since i know i’m not good in school i never think further than finishing high school..

u could say i know the back of my mind my parent would not put me into college.. with my low grade there’s no point of going.. i somehow know they would find some nice guy & marry me off.. i’ll become his problem.. so i guess u could say i always thought knew i would be marry off after high school.. well things changed… we moved to another country where people dream big.. people are more independent they moved out from their house since they’re young.. i’m glad to be here.. i would have never be independent if i’m not here.. i become more independent & my mom become dependent on me more than usual.. now she is afraid without actually saying out loud that i would get marry or move out from the house..  it’s draining on me too much.. she always had been dependent on me since i was little but lately it become more & more.. that’s the main reason why i haven’t quit my job yet..

i know folks from back where i’m from might say well u should be glad u have a job & getting paid whether u enjoy or not.. it’s just a job.. we are stuck at our job too.. that is how life is…i don’t want to think that way.. i want to enjoy what i do.. i actually want to wake up without having to press snooze button 4 or 5 times in the morning..  yes it’s true u r getting paid for what u do.. i feel as i will more productive if i enjoy what i do.. people i know seem to mind or care (without saying anything) ur job title or most importantly the company u work for.. it might be rude in some culture to ask someone who u just met what do u do without saying how r u first?  but not here.. here it goes something along this line… “hi, nice to meet u.. so what do u do? or where do u work?” that’s how u supposedly talk to a new people.. that’s how u get to know them better… in that sense i’m afraid to let go of my job.. people seem to be interested in if u work for well known company.. i guess u could say for stranger without asking too much about ur family or ur life,  u should stick to asking about work is better… i don’t want the title of saying “i’m currently unemployed”  back where i’m from its normal for a girl to be unemployed but not here.. woman venture out on their own.. they like to have their own income.. i too like to have my own income.. it’s the sense of accomplishment… without going further.. now i’m forced to know what i want to do with my life (career).. everyone seems to be knowing around me.. i never was the one that care much about where i’m going or what i’ll be doing next year… but i’m starting to care a bit more maybe only because of people i know.. they seem to have pride that they become manager or getting promoted.. well i’m hanging out with people in their 30… i’m hoping i’ll learn better or know better with my life if i hang out with people older than me.. maybe i need to reevaluate people i hang out with.. having or knowing people with high expectation might not be good for me right now since i’m going through the phrase or to quit or not to quit…

What a Monday morning!

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